Seneca · Letters to Lucilius
Letter 3: On true and false friendship
Letter 3 answers a contradiction: Lucilius calls a man his friend and in the same breath warns Seneca not to trust him.
The rule that follows is to judge before admitting someone to friendship and to trust without reserve afterwards, with a closing word against both restless bustle and inert repose.
From the letter
But if you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means.
When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment.
Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul.
For love of bustle is not industry,—it is only the restlessness of a hunted mind.
No, men should combine these tendencies, and he who reposes should act and he who acts should take repose.
Quotes checked against this letter
Coverage
Our editions hold 30 letters of 124 in Richard Mott Gummere’s translation (1917–1925); 29 of them have a page here, those that Joseph Baillard’s French translation (1861) also contains.
Seneca and Epictetus are in Stoic+ — 1 passage of this letter, with its reference; Marcus Aurelius is free in the app.